I think I’ve always been searching God. I will try to find Him in the depth of my thoughts, in the silence of my sigh and in the echo of my laughter. I would often gaze in my wrist to see if I can beyond my complexion see His closeness in my veins. I know He is near, so near than the distance between earth and my feet. I look up at the Sky and in my moment of search, I firm His Oneness.
Often my thinking of Him allows me to count the blessing. So why is the slightest of imperfection makes me rot in guilt. I know His repentance has an open door policy. So I searched for Him in the faces of His believers and in the dawn chorus of the singing birds. I wanted to swim in some of their light and inhale some of their guidance.
So two days ago, I set my goals at Covent Garden, London, with my friend whom name resembles her character, Rose. Though she is often dressed in dark colours, I see her as light pink. It is a good colour, one that children relates to. Her soul is more original than how the term is defined in the dictionary and her aura vibrates goodness. She entered my life last year but we have connected so beautifully, initially the bike made us closer, then it was spicy basil.
When I see Rose, I realise that my journey to find God is summarised in how she connects with Him. She reaches out to Him, in such a profound way that often makes me even smile in my dreams. She feels His presence and looks for signs that bring her closer to Him. She stumbles, falls, make mistakes and yet I feel He laughs with her attempts to please Him. I truly do find ihsaan when I see her, there is something unique of the way she holds tight to her faith, even her goals that she sets for herself doesn’t fall short to find space to strengthen her faith. Most people I know engage themselves in how they appear in their faith attire. Rose however, engages more to perfect her mannerism, her outlook in life, and she has a stronger relationship with God because of the inner investment she makes to nurture her soul. It is a working process, she has no equation of how she found Him plus she isn’t great in Maths!
She is an illustrator and graphic designer by profession. I couldn’t think of more fitting profession for Rose. Not only she produces excellent piece of work for her clients but she paints a piece of Art for her soul, one where the only permanent marker is her faith. She can undo her inner whispers and make mend to her early signs of weakness. She listens to those difficult questions her prayer helps her to ask. However, overall, with every fallen tears that channels her life journey, she stands firm upon her faith.
I look forward to a year filled with personal growth both spiritually and professionally. I want to take myself out of the depth of self limitation and seek the heaven on this life that He has set for us. I want to run, walk and fly all at once. I want my smile often the only signature that scale the weather of my emotions to be spring. I want my soul to be a garden of flowers.
So I wish upon myself and you a year where happiness and faith merge into a healthy relationship.